Legally Evil
by HylianFishFood
Summary: Bowser's bested Mario in battle, but there's some legal complications before he can take over the galaxy.


AN: So this is a revamp of an older thing I did, I'm just fleshing it out so I don't have cringe every time I remember it.  
Basic plot of this story is an AU where Mario doesn't win the final battle in Mario Galaxy.

* * *

At last, after all these years, all those failures. Every time he had been stomped on or shoved into lava, set on fire or frozen. After everything he had been through, Bowser had crushed Mario in battle! Now, the monumentality of this should be appreciated. To Bowser, it seemed as if it was rigged against him, because there's no way it's fair that Mario can die twenty times and come back. But now, it was time to create his own universe. He let out a galaxy-shaking roar and started to use the magic stolen from the Grand Star to alter all the galaxies into ones that matched his ideal worlds. Peach screamed as she witnessed Bowser's raw power.

Just then, a helicopter landed, and three tall men in official-looking suits and sunglasses stepped out. They walked over to Bowser, stepping in unison, and Bowser let out a deep sigh and turned to face them.

"Listen, do you mind? I'm a little busy right now."

"We're from the Department of Proper Registration and Administration control," one of the men said. "Bowser, we regret to inform you that we can't allow this to happen."

"Listen, I don't care who you, you aren't going to stop me from doing this. Do you know how hard I've worked for this? How much I've sacrificed? It's my life's work, it's my art form!"

"Uh, your dedication is...impressive, admittedly. But that's actually not the problem, we're a little less morally concerned." A different man responded, adjusting his sunglasses.

"Well, If it isn't because you're a hero, can I finish this?"

"Listen, just one second. As we told you earlier, our department specializes in registration control, and we received the alert that you were out here, about to perform and unlicensed Galaxy and Universe Destruction or Domination. Code GUDD, for short," the man explained. "According to our system, you don't have a licensed registration to rule the world, much less the galaxy. If you continue, you'll be breaking the law and we'll be forced to use force." He chuckled. "Heh. 'Forced to use force.' That's a tongue twister."

"Wait, wait, wait," Bowser said, shaking his head. "I have my license, right?"

"No, that's your license to kill. Speaking of that, your son has been violating his trainer's permit for that, so make sure he only kills with a parental presence."

"Is this a newer license? Because I was sure I got everything I would need back when I started getting into the business of evil."

"You'd be right. Recently, there's been a while gaggle of villains trying to dominate the world, and they're not nearly qualified enough to rule a city, can you imagine a galaxy? But we didn't have the resources to stop them without licensed backup, so we got an approval to make this new license, because these guys were embarrassing...like, who's gonna rule a galaxy with a name like Loki? Ganondorf? Ugh, don't even get me started on that Bleck guy-"

"Okay, got it," Bowser interrupted. "But I don't care. So, if I continue without a license, I get beaten up? Or something?"

"We'll arrest you, use necessary force if you resist, and charge you a heavy fine. I'm warning you, we have the weapons to take down a city."

"Oh."

The man gave a grim smile. "Yeah."

"Well, you don't have to tell me twice! I still have a basic moral system, after all, and definitely didn't need to be told about various weapons to be convinced," Bowser chuckled nervously. "As a responsible, law-abiding citizen, I'll go register for that right now! But heed my words, you'll see me again one day!"

He then quickly ran into one of his ships parked on the far side of the planet. Screams of "They've got weapons! Go! Go! Go!" were clearly heard, as the ship took to the air and flew away. The men, Peach, and Mario stared at the ship as it shrunk in the distance.

"Wait, let me get this straight," Peach said, "After all these years, every time Bowser or some other, unnamed force has threatened me or my kingdom, it's been LEGAL?"

"Uh," one of the men stammered. "Yes?"

"Oh my gosh. I have to deal with this," Peach buried her face in her hands. "Mario, can you call up Toad? It's gonna be a long night."


End file.
